Article originally appeared on babylonbee.com.
PHILADELPHIA, PA — NHL star Ivan Provorov declined to participate in the Philadelphia Flyers’ Pride Night or wear a rainbow-colored jersey, saying if he wanted to support the gay agenda he would have played soccer instead of hockey.
“Listen, man, I got nothing against the gays,” said Provorov to a crowd of outraged sports writers as the rest of his team pranced across the ice gracefully in their colorful outfits. “But I ain’t wearing that thing. Let’s leave all that gay stuff in soccer where it belongs. Also, I believe in God and stuff, and I don’t want to disobey him, so there’s that.”
The sports world expressed unbridled outrage at the decision. “The lives of LGBTQ+ people are in danger unless everyone on earth affirms their sex lives by wearing the special uniform and saluting the special flag,” said Sports Illustrated writer Gloop Schnixen (they/them) in an op-ed. “If Provorov refuses to show unquestioning fealty …
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